The Itch

There are all sorts of addictions. I don't think there is a way to avoid them, just perhaps substitute a good one for a not so good one.

This is the case for me and creativity.  I get an itch. I get grumpy.  I need my creative fix!  For me, repetition is like poison.  Even in meditation the hardest part is overcoming boredom which I must admit I cannot always do!

I have written a book.  Loved doing it and everything fell into place.  I made sooooo many mistakes concerning it along the way it isn't funny!  You name it, I did it in a way that took ten times as long!  I put a good many of the things I learned in my former blogs here as notes because I will forget.  They say once you learn something you will make a mistake but not the same one.  Yeh right!  I just lost two expensive lures because I tied my note wrong again!  So much for that theory!

In the creative process there are peaks and valleys. I always say the original idea is fine, but things come up to get in the way of the actual execution of the idea.  In theory things are often easy, in practice, SOOOO much can go wrong.  Estimating something is easy is one thing, but I have done enough in my life to know, there is a reason for the old saying, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going!".  I am no longer so naive as to think that when I start a project, it will go smoothly.  That is not how the creative process works!

Sometimes everything falls into place as it did with my book, and it can manifest.  This however is NOT the entire process.  If you're going to do anything creative, understand, creativity and resourcefulness are brother and sister...and very close.  One often cannot reach fruition without first being a little on the resourceful side.  That is part of the fun!

Likewise, creativity may be an itch when you are not exercising that part of your brain, but that doesn't mean you can just flip a switch and begin.  That often is not the case.

I have many artistic friends.  And many make money from what they do.  I don't think there is anyone out there who can switch gears in a short time from working outside to coming home to work.  It takes times to warm up to what you are doing and get yourself in the right space.  That, I think, is why there is so many struggling starving artists.  They cannot go out to work, or what they do creatively stalls, but if they do nothing but their work, then often they don't have the money for the materials they need.  It is a very difficult process to work at something creative and still support yourself.  That is the catch 22 of it all.

I gave up a great deal to develop the skills I have. I was drawing and doing tonal scales when other teens were out getting drunk or playing in some other way.  The itch was always there and I was very ambitious.  I loved what I was doing and it gave me a purpose and focus in an otherwise pretty shitty childhood.

I did the art school, I developed my skills, I took workshops, I had shows both group and solo.  The best times of my life besides paddling with my friend Peg on weekends was weeklong and two weeklong painting workshops I attended.

Problem is, you have to stay put to be successful as an artist and you have to not only get that break, but be in the right place to have that break.

My last show I had was about ten years ago now.  It was a good show.  Plenty of great comments in my book but no one bought anything.  No one could.  Money in that small town just was not there nor the mentality of understanding the mixed media work I was doing. It made people think, the work I did, but it wasn't pretty pictures and didn't sell.

I had sacrificed so much for so long, and on the way home, a large painting flew off the roof of my van into the ditch in the middle of no where.  I didn't stop. I didn't look back and I vowed never to have another show and I haven't!

The skills are there still and so is the itch. I put them aside when my son was young because I was a single mother and I knew he had to come first and it wasn't until I was too sick to do anything else due to an immune system collapse that I began again.  Sometimes I do dabble, however never again will I put energy into something going no where.  Life is too short and I have done too much to repeat THOSE mistakes.

So now I want to write.  This I can do anywhere and at any time.  I still cannot just flip a switch and do it, however I don't need materials and no framing costs!

It takes discipline to follow through on the creative process.  Fortunately I am a plodder.  I know how to take baby steps and make things happen. I have never had anyone do it for me, indeed, the idea of having a partner who pays half the bills or whatever is so foreign to me. I doubt at this age after being a loner for so many years, I would know how to cope with it all.  The itch is there, it is real and it is back!

So these blogs are getting me going again.  They are, I know, somewhat scattered and odd however that is all part of the writing process and the warm up!  If you want to write, just like every painting will not be a gem, neither will everything you write.  That is ok, it is still doing it!  Carry on!