Doing What Feels Right

I realized the other day; I have been dragging my heels concerning the marketing of these children’s books and my murder mystery which I have completed and have a few proofs of.
 
I tried to think of why I was doing this. In giving it more thought, I realized two things, I value my privacy a great deal, and I am a coward when it comes to criticism.
 
I think you have to have a thick skin to put yourself out there concerning your work. I do what I do because I love to do it. I had a hand-writing analyst tell me years ago that what I do doesn’t come from just the head, but the heart. I found this quite profound because it is so accurate. If I am not motivated, I simply cannot do it, no matter what it is. 
 
So, the choice for me now is, what to do about the marketing. Simply put, I am not doing it. If folks find my books and want them, fine, if they don’t, then that is fine too. It isn’t that I am giving up on doing them. I believe children today, more than ever, need more education and ways to connect with the physical world and nature, and that is why I create these books. I know there are kids out there that don’t know where milk comes from or that eggs come from chickens even! 

I will likely at some point find someone else to do the marketing for a fee. This makes more sense to me.
 
I have never been good at tooting my own horn nor shall I ever be. For some reason, it grates on my sensibilities. Somehow, for me, it feels so awkward and almost embarrassing! It isn't like low self-esteem, it is something else hard to explain.

I know folks who go far because they are so determined. They don't take no for an answer and to me, it borders on harassment. I have no interest in going anywhere near that road. It is like bragging about money. I find it all rather crude. I don't know where I got this attitude or who was my influence. Honestly, it almost feels like I was born with it. I can't imagine pounding away over and over with others until they give in so I can get where I want to go. I am just not that person. It may work for others; all the power to them, however, it just doesn’t feel right for me.
 
Is it the end of the world if I don’t sell any books? Nope, I shall survive. Do I feel motivated still to create these books? Yes, the world is so full of darkness right now. So much greed, so much debasement, so much corruption. It is everywhere. I can’t sit by and do nothing! Even if I don’t have any impact whatsoever, at least I will feel like I contributed SOMETHING positive. To me, that is what is important. Not whether I make money or become known. Simply put, I feel it is more about the journey than the destination.
 
That isn’t to say, I am saying anyone else trying to make a profit and business that works in the Indie world is wrong or bad or anything like that. I am just saying for me, I have made up my mind, it isn’t going to enter my consciousness anymore. What will be, will be. I am just going to have fun creating these books and if something ever happens to put them out there, then super, if not, that is fine too.