It never ceases to amaze me how many twists and turns life can throw at you. One day your bopping along going in this directions, then life throws you a curve ball and your off in another!

The questions I have always wondered is it all part of some greater plan I am not aware of like some believe, or is it just random happenings that have no logical order or sense to them?  Really, how can one know which is the case or is it both?

In examining things, I have decided the answer doesn't really matter as much as how I decide to look at things.  Which is the best approach for me?

Do I really want to believe my life is out of my control and in the hands of some god, deity or happenstance? Or do I want to believe that every action I make, decide or perhaps even think, all play a part in where I go next?

I think I want to believe the latter!  I had a really crappy childhood that would make most folks' lives look like a trip to the park....mine was more a trip to the zoo.

And even though the protagonist in my novel isn't ALL me but an accumulation of many individuals I have met in my travels doing the advocacy and other work I did, it doesn't mean I cannot not relate to her thoughts.  I should think, many of us have had similar!

Years ago I had to make a decision as to whether I was going to stay where I was at, buy into the crap being shovelled into my life, or walk away and decide to make myself the creator of my own destiny.  I knew if I didn't I would likely wind up in some sort of living hell that I would eventually end.  So what did I do?

I went against it all, including the blind foolish narrow-minded help and labels, the thoughtless road to hell good intentions and I walked off the end of the cliff!  And I have never looked back any more than I have to!  Why, because I realized very quickly, nothing good would ever come of it!

I tried the therapy..MANY types really, and what I found out in the end, is that I lived it once, the thought I needed to replay it, was only rehearsing and reinforcing the feelings and drama I had already endured.

Don't get me wrong, for some folks, they need to talk about things, but when it is done, it needs to be done.  Learning new skills for coping is far more helpful than flogging a dead horse!  You suffered, it was this well now it is time to look forward and decide what is next!

Recently I had to remind myself of this.  That if I am not happy where I am at, and where I am heading, it is up to me to change it!  And you know what?  I have made a plan, set goals and I am working towards them. Now it is time to carry on and give the universe the space for it's input and support as well as my own!

I shall never let ANYONE tell me who I am or where I am going or what my limits are!  THAT IS MY JOB AND NO ONE ELSES! And it is yours too!

I admit it, I am just not great at multi-tasking when it comes to writing. When I write, I don't want to be thinking about a job or paying the bills or where to publish or what ever else is going on in my life!  I just want to climb in a little hole and write!

I am amazed and baffled by people who can do so many things at once including working on a novel.  I get forgetful, loose my train of thought and forget what comes next!  I realize I just cannot do it!  So what is the answer?  In this country where everything costs SO MUCH, I am not sure there is an answer for a single woman on her own!  I am just not sure at all!

One of the things that strikes me the most as I get older, is wondering when will my time come?  Can I afford savings?  NOPE  Can I afford to not work somewhere? NOPE. So what is the answer?

Knowing me, likely something similar to the fool Tarot card icon I have on here.  I will likely go walk off the end of a cliff and hope for the best because frankly, where does the best writing come from?  A life of playing it safe or one of taking risks?

How often have you heard the old saying, "if you want to be a good writer, then you first have to have lived!".  Perhaps some can get away without out it, but even my little murder mysteries and stories I work on come from scores of life experiences I never would have had to draw on if I had not taken risks through-out my life.

Do I have a reliable career or savings put aside for retirement?  Do I own my own home?  Car?  Nope!  One thing I have come to realize is that most people don't!  The bank owns it all and everyone is living one day to the next, one pay check to the next anyhow!  So perhaps I will find a "safe" way to do my thing, or perhaps not, however one thing I do know, is that somehow, life just keeps on working out!