What to do, what to do.  When I talk of causing no harm in thought, word or deed I mean it so what do you do when you are in a position where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't?  Sometimes in life, these situations come up and no matter what you do, think or say, you are caught in someone else's blind spot and are powerless to act without causing harm.

In Buddhism there is the talk of "blind spots".  Places in our character where we have weaknesses or other actions we are blind to see how they cause harm.  

I have found for myself, the best way to find them is with mirroring.  As soon as I say or think something about someone else I stop and ask myself how it is mine.  I have learned over the years how to own many things about myself...this is freeing but also challenging because now, I can easily say more about another and own it! lol, not good when your trying to NOT fall into that trap of judging, criticizing or being critical of others!

I have always known I LOVE TO COMMUNICATE.  My mercury, mars and venus are all in a place of communication! I also know I love to gossip.  Not so much in the ways others, but I love talking to new people and learning new things.  I also, however due to my past,  don't trust myself all the time in what I am intuiting and sometimes like feedback and confirmation especially since I have been betrayed and let down so often. It can warp your judgement!  I have a few confidants far away I use to help me keep myself in balance, and to be sure my own weaknesses and blindspots are not interfering with what I am trying to discern.  And that is what I mean, DISCERN, not judge.  I have no attachment to what I am looking at, I just want to keep my balance and see things from all sides...likely have a libra rising sign!

At any rate, sometimes in spite of all my efforts, I get caught like a deer in headlights. I can see the car coming but I am stuck and unsure of which way to move.

One thing I have learned is that when a person is prone to something such as talking about others behind their backs, they then think everyone is talking about them!  I guess I don't do that because it never occurs to me I could be interesting enough to be anyone's topic of conversation until I hear it with my own ears.  Once I do however, if it is not respectful, my trust is gone the way of the doo doo bird!

So now, what do you do when you are stuck in a situation when you are caught in someone else's blind spot?  When you have done nothing wrong however even though the wrong has been done to you, they are blind to their own mirroring and now your actions are being scrutinized.

I for one have no idea, but I do know from experience, that those associated with someone who is become the target, is not a safe place for another to be with simply because it provides fuel.

I once was teaching and because friends with someone who was having problems with her new boss who was threatened by her. I was good at my job and liked by the students however it was clear I was this person's friend and confidant...guess what, I could not stay.  It was guilt by association plain and simple.

So, is it my decision to keep other's away?  How can I say that they are better off being away from me without causing insight into the situation?  That is not going to work, I want no party to that sort of separation business.  

In Buddhism there is a simple saying "Victory be yours".  For the sake of the bigger picture you let go of ego and allow the other to win.  I think that is the best thing in this case.  Sometimes you just have to live in the now, be as present as possible and leave as much behind you moment to moment as humanly possible for all involved.  I know now why I have had crane come into my life, it is time to be an individual and stand alone!

There is an old saying "careful what you ask for, you may just get it."
Isn't that the truth!

I am always amazed how you can say something and then it happens out of the blue!

My son was telling me how he was on the roof of his 4 story building in Vancouver at a birthday party and he looked over, and there was a Canada goose nesting in a big tall fern flower pot!  Now you have to wonder what sort of choice that was!

I was mentioning this to another and the fact there are so many Canada geese here in BC but where I come from, we were allowed to hunt them!  Didn't seem like, by the look of the population that didn't happen here.  Perhaps it does, but if you can hunt them, it seems it is a well kept secret!  Either way, there are plenty.  Perhaps that explains why the mothers are lacking in good judgement concerning their young.  I will explain.

After telling the potted plant Canada goose story, I mentioned how goslings will imprint with the first thing they see when they open their eyes and I would NOT want that.  I can't see it being fun having a goose following you around!

Soon after I bought a Skeeter pontoon boat to go out on the lake.  I decided to try it out.  It is a two tone brown and you sit in the middle of it with your feet in the water.  The basket is behind. I tell you, catching a big one in it is no easy feat but I digress!

I went out when there was not a ripple on the lake.  I am rowing around when I hear this strange bird sound over and over.  Well, I am not great with repetitive sounds. Drives me nuts so I am looking around for the source of the noise and there, coming towards me is a tiny baby goose!  I had two thoughts, "where is mom, and oh no, I do hope it is not just hatched!".

So I paddle away but it keeps right on coming. I am quite far out in the lake and I know there is a family of bald eagles who like to hunt this lake and that little one is a sitting duck so to speak!

So with this little one working it's little legs off, I head towards shore with it peeping and coming for me.  I see it is getting tired so I slow and it comes up and nestles in between the pontoons at my feet.  Clearly it has not been swimming long.

So I scoop it up and let it sit on the pontoon still heading for sure.  When it had enough it plopped off back into the water.  Now it was sure I wasn't mom so headed back to shore and was quiet, so I high tailed it out of there before it decided to come after me again!

I went about my business and later that evening I biked over to the public wharf since earlier I had heard the geese return.  I was standing on the dock looking over where they were on the lake and I saw a little one so I thought it was the one I had sent back to shore.  Then I hear the peeping again, and out from under the dock comes this little gosling!  Great, it is heading back out into the center of the lake.  Well, the group hear the peeping and the mother and baby start swimming out towards it.  Mom goose does a low short honk over and over like a beacon for the little one.  When she hears it, the little one turns and starts swimming towards the mother with the other gosling in tow.  The little one I noted did not get to mom, mom flew over and landed on the other side of it, but it when to it's sibling who was following mom and then all turned and went back to the group.

Sadly, there was a bunch of geese and only two young.  These grown ups left the young ones over in a pond behind the lake but I have not seen any younger geese at all. I think the eagles got them. Perhaps this is natures way of maintaining the balance.  One thing for sure, I will never focus on bird imprinting ever again!

People have asked me how do I find my totem animal.  For everyone it can be of course different, so I will give you an example of mine which has reappeared after many moons of not being around.

I was thinking of bear which is my primary totem and always will likely be so.  I was thinking maybe it is time to see if there is a new animal totem that can come into my life which isn't quite so solitary.  Perhaps it is time for some new lessons so I put it out to the universe I wanted to see a animal or spirit helper as these creatures are sometimes called.  I then quickly forgot about it and that was that.

That is the thing about a power animal.  It has to make an impression on you.  Some people are surrounded with hummingbird gifts or they have always loved them.  On their wind chimes, signs, flags and everywhere there is hummingbirds.  And of course, also feeders so the real bird is flitting around everywhere.  This is an obvious way of knowing.  Everything you own may be about deer or cats or cougars or lions and even though you can't have a lion in your back yard, you still love them and everyone else knows it!  That is a sure sign of this animal being your totem, and your teacher as well as helper.

So, not thinking about anything a blue heron stops on the beach not far from the balcony where I am looking out with my bird book.  I had spent one morning earlier replacing lost legs on someone else's carving of a blue heron so I was familiar with their look and in my medicine box in storage, I may have blue heron feathers that were given to me years ago, so it isn't like I am not familiar with this medicine however it was years ago even before my son.

I noticed the bird which I was told have been missing for the last few years at trout lake was back. I didn't really think anything of it and carried on.  Then another morning I noticed there was a pair which I thought was great and ran to get my camera.  Just as I was about to make the shot, a small boat and two fishermen came out around the corner and off they went before I could snap it.  So that was that.

Then I decided to go fishing. My gut wasn't great from drinking coffee and I instinctively wanted fish to eat.  Well it has been raining for days off and on so I thought I am not waiting, I got rain paints and my old Acubra hat and oil skin jacket and took the boat out.

I sat in the rain the first day with one heron not 20 feet from me.  I anchored in the lake off the river where I knew the fishing was best for casting and heron stood and fished.

Next evening again, out in the rain, this time heron moved and flew and landed even closer to me.  We looked at each other just sitting fishing in the rain.  I laughed, both of us the only ones on the lake fishing in a real downpour.  Didn't care, I was prepared and wanted fish!  So when I pulled up the anchor at dusk it was metal and really made a loud noise on the boat, but heron didn't move at all.  That should have told me something but I admit it, I am thick sometimes!

The next day I take the truck out for a drive and go over to the end of the lake by the campground. I am turned around and coming back towards town when the pair of blues fly low in front of me.  One carries on to the lake but the other decides to stop and land on the road in front of me!  So there I am in the truck looking at a blue heron who is standing in the road looking at me!

Ok, finally got it! I suddenly remembered I had asked for a new totem animal and he was!

That was the irony of it all. It was the larger of the two that hung around with me.  Not the smaller.  And ironically, blue herons are still known as solitary birds however they do take a mate, another solitary bird.  Well, I have no mate, can't say if that is a sign or not, but I did find out besides patience and ability to stand alone, are individualistic and are messengers between the dead and the living, they can be very much communal creatures when mating season is about. I found this interesting because I have always found that if I were to have a partner which really I have not, it would be someone I can be myself with, is more a companion and who also seeks beauty, harmony and balance which are all attributes of this beautiful bird.  It is not an easy totem to find, no idea where you would find a colony of other blue herons during mating season! lol!

I was standing in the boat (the one I had fixed with help) in the middle of the river/lake in the pouring rain fishing.  There is a current there so I didn't have to anchor.  I was going around and around.  On the sand bar now rising since the snow is melted almost on the mountains, was a blue heron. A little later it's mate arrived.

The skies opened up and the rain stopped.  A lovely great rainbow moved across the end of the lake reflecting on the water.  Fish were jumping in the churned up water.  It was simply beautiful.

That is why I fish!  I don't care if I catch anything, but the act of casting and having an excuse to be out there on the water looking  up the light as it plays through the mist across the hills and valleys is worth it, wet or not!

Sometimes the weather is such that one minute it is rain, the next it is sun!  You never know really.  It can be cool or it can be hot.  One never knows what the next day will bring, indeed the next minute.  Sometimes as a bonus you bring home supper, but not always, and that is ok too.

I have lost so many lures and so on I have decided to make my own. I carve the fish out of cedar and try weighting them in different places.  My first one was not a success but was a good learning experience.  I am improving with each one.  Who knows perhaps one day I will catch a fish on one I designed and made myself. That would be cool.  Until then I will just carry on and enjoy the day, the light, the mountains, the water, the fresh air, the bird and animal life.  It is worth every minute of being rained on!

Hard to believe that life can be likened to repairing a boat but I think they have a good deal in common.

For instance, there is more than one way to go about it.  Some folks would jump right in tearing things out and digging in,  Others like myself have to mull it over and think about it first. I am not willing to go from bad to worse.  Partly because I think, I have experience doing things the first way!

Then there is the decisions of what needs to be repaired and what doesn't. Some people are all or nothing.  The old aluminium boat needed new seats for sure and perhaps the back end.  So do you rip it all out or just the most needed?

Some will want it all done and just so which I have often found ends up with nothing getting done.  I am not saying a job worth doing shouldn't be done right, however sometimes there are limitations to be considered like materials, money, energy and necessity as well as time it will take. I opted for not doing all of the back, just the board where the motor gets mounted.  The other will get painted but I decided I didn't want also to weaken the boat while the seats were also being done. The old gal had never leaked at the rivet points even after 45 odd years so I didn't want to overly stress here now!

So once what needs to be done is decided, then there is the how it will be done.  I decided to not drill out the old rivets holding the wood in, instead I took a disc grinder and cut the heads off.  Fast, effective and done!

But I missed a step, getting the tools. So do you go and get them all in a big wheel barrel or go back and forth looking for things as things come up?

Nope, not walking up that hill a million times!  Everything was brought down at once!  So much easier in the long run!

Lastly, do you paint the seats once, twice, three ties or more?  I feel you do it for as long and as many coats as it takes.  My signs when I used to paint, lasted because I knew preparation is as important as execution! 

So, boat is done.  Took two days but things were ready for painting by day two, just needed to dry a lot!  Went out and caught a fish and didn't sink!  Fixed my rod which broke at the tip...like new, but that is another story!

So for me, I recognize the need for fore thought and preparation before going off to do something. I am not one to jump in with both feet immediately.  I didn't trust that this job would stay an easy fix.  What starts out one way, as you dig deep often turns into something else.  Even in relationships I don't jump in with both feet. I take my time, I access things, I see where things are, and what could add complications. I watch and see.  That is the way I am.  Folks do not become a friend in my book until the preparation has been done and I have had enough digging into things to see if there are going to be complications.  Sometimes an acquaintance does turn into a friend.  Then it lasts. I am loyal. I will be there though thick and thin however not in the beginning. I have to take my time and mull things over, observe and just see how things go.  I always look at how I am treated, not what is said.  Too many folks say one thing and do another.  

So, the boat still floats after a few repairs, and so can a life be the same after a few changes and repairs are needed since after all, that is life.

There are all sorts of addictions. I don't think there is a way to avoid them, just perhaps substitute a good one for a not so good one.

This is the case for me and creativity.  I get an itch. I get grumpy.  I need my creative fix!  For me, repetition is like poison.  Even in meditation the hardest part is overcoming boredom which I must admit I cannot always do!

I have written a book.  Loved doing it and everything fell into place.  I made sooooo many mistakes concerning it along the way it isn't funny!  You name it, I did it in a way that took ten times as long!  I put a good many of the things I learned in my former blogs here as notes because I will forget.  They say once you learn something you will make a mistake but not the same one.  Yeh right!  I just lost two expensive lures because I tied my note wrong again!  So much for that theory!

In the creative process there are peaks and valleys. I always say the original idea is fine, but things come up to get in the way of the actual execution of the idea.  In theory things are often easy, in practice, SOOOO much can go wrong.  Estimating something is easy is one thing, but I have done enough in my life to know, there is a reason for the old saying, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going!".  I am no longer so naive as to think that when I start a project, it will go smoothly.  That is not how the creative process works!

Sometimes everything falls into place as it did with my book, and it can manifest.  This however is NOT the entire process.  If you're going to do anything creative, understand, creativity and resourcefulness are brother and sister...and very close.  One often cannot reach fruition without first being a little on the resourceful side.  That is part of the fun!

Likewise, creativity may be an itch when you are not exercising that part of your brain, but that doesn't mean you can just flip a switch and begin.  That often is not the case.

I have many artistic friends.  And many make money from what they do.  I don't think there is anyone out there who can switch gears in a short time from working outside to coming home to work.  It takes times to warm up to what you are doing and get yourself in the right space.  That, I think, is why there is so many struggling starving artists.  They cannot go out to work, or what they do creatively stalls, but if they do nothing but their work, then often they don't have the money for the materials they need.  It is a very difficult process to work at something creative and still support yourself.  That is the catch 22 of it all.

I gave up a great deal to develop the skills I have. I was drawing and doing tonal scales when other teens were out getting drunk or playing in some other way.  The itch was always there and I was very ambitious.  I loved what I was doing and it gave me a purpose and focus in an otherwise pretty shitty childhood.

I did the art school, I developed my skills, I took workshops, I had shows both group and solo.  The best times of my life besides paddling with my friend Peg on weekends was weeklong and two weeklong painting workshops I attended.

Problem is, you have to stay put to be successful as an artist and you have to not only get that break, but be in the right place to have that break.

My last show I had was about ten years ago now.  It was a good show.  Plenty of great comments in my book but no one bought anything.  No one could.  Money in that small town just was not there nor the mentality of understanding the mixed media work I was doing. It made people think, the work I did, but it wasn't pretty pictures and didn't sell.

I had sacrificed so much for so long, and on the way home, a large painting flew off the roof of my van into the ditch in the middle of no where.  I didn't stop. I didn't look back and I vowed never to have another show and I haven't!

The skills are there still and so is the itch. I put them aside when my son was young because I was a single mother and I knew he had to come first and it wasn't until I was too sick to do anything else due to an immune system collapse that I began again.  Sometimes I do dabble, however never again will I put energy into something going no where.  Life is too short and I have done too much to repeat THOSE mistakes.

So now I want to write.  This I can do anywhere and at any time.  I still cannot just flip a switch and do it, however I don't need materials and no framing costs!

It takes discipline to follow through on the creative process.  Fortunately I am a plodder.  I know how to take baby steps and make things happen. I have never had anyone do it for me, indeed, the idea of having a partner who pays half the bills or whatever is so foreign to me. I doubt at this age after being a loner for so many years, I would know how to cope with it all.  The itch is there, it is real and it is back!

So these blogs are getting me going again.  They are, I know, somewhat scattered and odd however that is all part of the writing process and the warm up!  If you want to write, just like every painting will not be a gem, neither will everything you write.  That is ok, it is still doing it!  Carry on!

When you are a Buddhist, you take a vow to do no harm.  This can be in varying degrees depending.  

I was standing at the mouth of a river here in the mountains with this beautiful rushing white water crashing down the rocks from up in the mountains pulling one sucker fish after another out of the deep pool at the end of it.  Each one I pull in, I carefully as possible pull out the hook and set it free since it is no good to eat which is generally why I fish, to eat it.  I don't catch and release, I catch my limit (or less) and go home, my job is done.

I remember telling a person in my Sangha (the people I meet with to practice with) I was looking forward to a feed of lobster since I was back on the east coast.  He was appalled saying how could I kill it to eat it!  So I asked him if he ate lobster. He said yes, so I asked what was the difference, and he said someone else cooked it.

So, I thought to myself.  Which is worse, killing the lobster myself to eat, or allowing my desire for a feed of lobster add to someone else's negative karma?

Well, I am part native. I grew up on a coast with forests and followed trails my ancestors used to walk. I went with my brother out in the boat checking gill nets and bringing in all sorts of fish, I set eel traps with him (what fun having all those big ole slipper eels sliding around on the bottom of your boat!) as well as setting snares getting rabbits, We dug clams in the mud flats when they are out and frankly, killing things was part of life.  It was not done with intent to be sport or for pleasure, it wasn't done out of malice. It was done because I come from a large family and just like having a large garden and pulling weeds and harvesting things, it was part of life.  So, from a Buddhist perspective, am I doing harm?

Last night I was sitting out alone on a lovely still lake in the mountains of BC with only half a moon fishing for ling co which is legal to fish after dark...they are so deep, day or night, what do they care?!?.  Ugly little critters but man, do they taste good!  And of course, I kill them with what they call here, a bonker.  And I do wack them hard. I don't want them to suffer!

I am DEFINATELY doing harm.  No doubt about this, however the very premise of Buddhism is to follow the middle path.  I do not catch more than what is allowed, and often much less. I don't try fishing where the fish are spawning and I do my best to put the fish out of the misery as soon as possible.  Do I stop completely so the vow of doing no harm is met?  Do I justify it or rationalize it, or intellectualize it?  Frankly, what is the point.  People do harm to each other all the time as well as their brothers and sisters, or as original peoples would say, little brothers and sisters, meaning animals.

I don't think, if you breath and are on this earth, you can avoid doing harm.  Just as in Christianity you repent or take communion so that you can start anew, absolved of your sins, there is something similar in Buddhism.  Usually twice a month you examine how you have been and release after reflection or contemplation and put it behind you.  This is normal if you have taken any sort of vow. You can share it with another, or you can just share it with yourself on a conscious level, either way, you carry on.

I remember an old quote "you cannot drive your car looking always in your review mirror, and likewise you cannot live in the past beating yourself up for what you have done. Likewise, if you know you are doing major harm repent and do it again, then why bother even going to confession or whatever

I am not going to stop fishing and therefore I am not going to ask for forgiveness about it or resolve not to it.  It is part of my life and that is that.  I will however for every fish whose life I take, I give thanks to it.  I acknowledge what I am doing and the right or wrong of it. I don't lay the karma on someone else's doorstep.  I have decided if I was a monk or nun and I was in a sheltered environment where I could fine tune and perfect this attitude I would, however I know when I drive a car I kill things, when I even walk this earth things are dying under my feet.  I don't justify saying at least I am not murdering anyone.  That would be to place more significance on one life over another.  I will not do that.  All life is sacred to me and I hold each with equal regard.  As soon as the rain lets up I am going to go see if I can catch fish for supper.  If not, so be it, if so, then fish, thank you and Yum!

In writing this blog, on a number of occasions I have gone back and made sure there were no typos, and I have made corrections, but for some reason, they have not stuck so I apologize now for what appears and careless writing. I did try!

I have been making efforts to increase my cardio and loose weight, and I must say since I moved to the mountains of Trout Lake in the Kootenays, this has happened because I am able to get outside and do the things I used to do!  Living in a town both depressed me and put the weight on me. I couldn't get out to shoot my bow or garden, laid a brick path or repair an old house,  All the things I loved doing as well as bicycling.

I have been making it a goal to bike as much as possible and to make it up a mountain six KM away.  It is not the hills or the distance that has been my greatest deterrent. Indeed, even out of shape, once I get in a rhythm, I can go and go, however it is the bears that are now the issue

I was really enjoying the solitude and beauty of the ride up the mountain. You can hear the river rushing in many parts of the road, and for being up a mountain, it does level off at times so it isn't that bad in the right gears.  They have the KM signs on the odd post or painted on the odd tree. I only intended to go to KM two but turns out 2 ins't there!  Oops so I was just getting past Km 3 when I see a big brown spot on the road coming down the hill towards me.  Just moseying along like bears do. I knew immediately it was a grizzly.

I was not scared, just annoyed. I thought I would try the new horn I had paid far too much money for. I blasted it (and finally my ears have stopped ringing!).  The bear looked at me and cocked his head. I did it again, did he run?  Was he in the least bit intimidated?  Nope, that is a grizzly for you!  Black bear would likely be gone unless it is an adolescent, then he too would be curious! (Come across enough of them in my travels to know this!). So I thought, this isn't going to work, I guess it is time to go down the hill. Whoopee! So, perhaps next time I will get a little closer, perhaps not, but when you live in bear country, you go with the flow! And the second line of defence, I guess is to invest in a good bear spray but frankly if you put yourself in a position where your that close to a bear ( can't smell or the wind is wrong in other words!), then your a damn fool.  But being foolish seems to be a human trait so best be prepared.

Now I have to check all my nuts and bolts on my bike...to be on the safe side! After going down the hill at those speeds, always a good idea.  Loosing a wheel would NOT be a good option!
​

You know a lot of people think that they cannot do a sitting practice.  That they could never sit still that long. Truthfully however, meditation can begin with baby steps.  So what if you can only do the practice for 2 minutes or 5 minutes?  In time it becomes easier and the time lengths do increase.  It is not something you can expect to be perfect at immediately.  Indeed, if you ever think you are going to be that good at it, then you are missing the point completely.

The kind of meditation I am talking about has the eyes open, a good head a shoulders with the building blocks of the spine nicely stacked on each other.  The eyes are fixed gently on a spot about 6 feet away, the hands are relaxed, and yes, you can sit in a chair since if you are like me and have poor circulation in your legs, the agony would well defeat the point. I don't meditate to punish or hurt myself!

Which brings me to the next aspect of the process.  It is about keeping your mindfulness present. Of always working on coming back to the present and your breath as it goes in and out.  The thoughts are likened to a galloping horse.  Out of control.  You may think, hey I never think and can blank out at any time.  Sadly though, that is not the case. The mind will wonder.  Suddenly instead of focusing on the breath, you're thinking about what you have to do later that day, or something from your past, or whatever storyline your currently caught up in.

At this point, like the tinkling of a little bell or the brushing of a feather, you lightly say "thinking" and come back to your breath.  You don't beat yourself up and scream at yourself.  You simply come back.

Now some do use meditation to sort of "cushion" life experiences and pain.  They take it just far enough but not so far that they are actually allowing anything to get through completely.  This is something else.

In Buddhism, it is all about finding the middle path.  Not too much aversion, not too much attraction.  This in itself can be a great challenge.  The nice thing about meditation though, is it teaches you to have compassion for yourself.  Really, I don't think you can truly have compassion for others, if you do not have it for yourself.  Everything in our worlds begins with ourselves.  It sucks but that is the way Samsara works. That is how suffering works.  It is not something "out there" that causes our pain and suffering.  We bring that whole world of pain on ourselves in every storyline we buy into, in every blind spot we carry about what is triggering our emotions and responses.

Like I said before about that one moment, when you have it, you know who you are.  It is like the clouds have lifted and there is the clear blue sky, our basic goodness.  Too bad, unless we are fully enlightened, we cannot hang on to it.

These are the challenges you can expect to face when you choose to walk with an open heart.  It is ironic really, as things don't necessarily grow easier.  The challenges can become greater and greater but the only true consolation is the practice keeps the way and the balance available to us.

I think for myself the greatest challenge is getting past the storylines.  Getting to what is underneath the storylines triggered by my personal beliefs and identity I carry about myself.  It is not easy when you are engaged in something with others or another to be able to step back and go beyond what is obvious to what is below this.  Not easy at all.  And I must say, it does take a fair amount of not only contemplation and compassion for yourself, but a certain degree of courage as well since I know sometimes I am not sure what I shall find.  The good news is however once the dance and the song have been identified, then you can get clearer and just lighten up.  Without the practice however, I doubt this would ever really be possible.

There are no quick fixes in Buddhism or meditation, however there is for every challenge, a chance to carry on and this in itself makes it all worthwhile.

Currently I am living in mountains and I was not born in mountains even though I have lived more than a few places with mountains and love them!

Now I look at these lovely mountains. I watch the changes that come over them daily, The play of light through the mist in the morning and again in the evening. I think often of China, of how perspective is portrayed there and I understand.  

Most people I don' think really realize just how much programming goes on from the day you are born. Some people see that boys get the colour blue and girls get the colour pink, however there are so many very fundamental aspects of our very ability to perceive even distance that is engrained into us.

I have always said my definition of reality is:"The subjective opinion of the majority".  And I believe that.  Human interactions CREATE the reality we perceive and if we did not communicate, we did not share, I am not sure how this perception would come about, however it would.

We are taught almost from day one renaissance perspective.  We don't even know our little brains are being wired to it.  How?  Not even sure of this, but I understand it happens.

For instance, we see telephone poles going off into the distance.  We PERCEIVE each pole getting smaller as it recedes into the distance and this tells you the poles are farther and farther into the distance.  It is just what we are taught and how our brains are wired yet if we lived in a jungle or forest where everything is close, guess what would happen if we stood on the edge of a plane and looked at that same set of poles?  We would not clue in the distance at all!  That cue would mean nothing to use!  They would just look like difference size poles!  The brain of such people would not perceive it the same way!

Fascinating isn't it.  Just how we are based on where we live!  Just think if you could remember all your past lives, wouldn't that be mind numbing and confusing! You would have to be pretty special to handle that!  

I often have to remind myself the same is true of culture.  What is acceptable or proper etiquette in one country or place, is not the same in another!

I was raised a good deal of the time by my grandparents and so proper etiquette was important.  They had white middle class values likely more from a Victorian time coming from such an isolated area of Nova Scotia. Perhaps it is from them, or I was born with it, but I have a great sensibility and fixed ideas about certain things that I have had to identify so that I can fit in when I travel.

For instance, when I was teaching in Thailand, the young south African teachers I found the most rude people I have ever met in my entire life!
Such a sense of what I perceived as self importance and entitlement but which could have just been a cultural thing! All I know is if I was having a conversation, and this young woman decided she didn't want to listen to me any more (and this could be at a dinner table or anywhere and it could be related to work!), then she would just turn mid sentence and start talking to someone else, often in her African tongue! Or if there was no one around, then pick up the phone and start playing with it leaving me alone just hanging!  What the hell!  And then I noticed ALL OF THEM DID IT and not just the younger South African girls!  This amazed me! I could not get over  it. I could not get passed it because of my own upbringing so I avoided these ladies like the plague. I did not feel good about myself around them because I was so trained to always be attentive and polite, I could not help but own what was happening even though it wasn't my doing. I just decided it wasn't worth the conflict!

Now Thai people have a different idea about public conversations.  As westerners we sit in a gym at a school concert and watch the performance.  Seems simple.  In Thai culture, little conversations happen any time, and anywhere. Over and over the head of the school had to remind the Thai staff if they wanted to talk, to leave the classroom they shared with the English speaking staff because they would have a visit while your trying to teach!  Didn't think it was wrong or rude or anything, that is just the way that culture works.

Sometimes even in your own country with people you think are of a similar cultural background, you have to wonder what is going on. Some things I don't think are cultural. I think sayings like "twos company and three are a crowd" exist because there are group dynamics that have not just a cultural element but also a social/sexual and gender element as well however that is for another time.