Recently I was looking at a TED Talk by  on of my favourite speakers, Mel Robbins. The talk was called, "How to stop screwing yourself over". I have watched it a few times now when I need a pick me up!

In this talk she mentions the "Five Second Rule" which basically is, that those ideas and impulses you get, if you don't act on them in the five seconds after, you are likely to hit the snooze button and do nothing!

I totally agree with this and it also comes to ideas and things you hear.

How many times have you sat in a coffee shop or line up and heard someone else's conversation and they have said something you were interested in? Or a good line or words that you thought were really cool however did nothing about.

Now this isn't a poke to get you to buy my new book however I made a book for myself you may find useful...which I will get to shortly however two things I learned about Amazon before I forget!

Firstly, your name. I am old school and put spaces between the initials in my name and that is exactly how the search engine on Amazon will respond!. I put R. B. Morgan or R B Morgan and if I put RB Morgan, someone with a name close to this comes up! I think it is Ted Morgan or something!

So, to compensate for this, my next books won't have the space....just so you know!

Secondly, my friends who don't buy on Amazon often, bought my book however won't allow them to leave a review saying they don't buy enough!!!! SERIOUSLY! They want you to pay folks to give reviews? It seems to be the case! SIGH.

And be aware, I just ordered something I specifically looked up on Amazon and put it in my cart and paid for it and IT ORDERED SOMETHING FROM MY WISH LIST. Fortunately I noticed because of the late date it said it would be delivered!

Now back to the notebook. I now keep this book in my pocket so those ideas or things I want to write down, I can do in the next 5 seconds because I totally believe if you don't jump up and do something, it is gone and never happens!

I made this little gem as cheaply as possible with two other sections that I just bend the page down to find, however a tape tab or bookmarks work too!

Whether it is as formal as this, or something you make for yourself, I suggest it strongly so that you always can go back and review. I have a tape dictaphone recorder that can put ideas on to my computer as files however I find I just don't access them enough and my computer is full enough!!!

So remember, got an idea, jump onto it in the next 5 seconds!!! Mind you, as you get older, you may find you jump to do it and then forgot what you were doing! lol that is ok, it comes to us all especially if your brain is running at full tilt all the time!

It seems I never have any time for writing now.
 
Have you ever felt like you are standing in quick sand? That you just get on a roll and you have to shift gears since the real world keeps interfering?
 
There comes a point when you have to wonder how some people can work all day and then go home, switch gears and do the writing and other things you need for self publishing.
 
I have to wonder if this is a personality issue or something else. Is it just a matter of mind set or energy or maybe it is perfectionism and if the situation isn’t perfect you can’t do the work.
 
I guess it is like doing commission portraits…I started doing them when I was 13 so i got to the point i could do a portrait after work or on a very tight deadline.
 
Maybe if I work at it, and focus on doing some small thing three times a week, I can feel like I am still in the game. Maybe if I try disciplining myself more with baby steps I can learn to do more than just think about them.
 
I have watched videos of successful writers and many of them all have the same things in common. They write and write and write, and they do it every chance they can get! Successful writers are very prolific.
 
I know from having art shows, that sometimes i am successful, and this interferes with my process because making the next one better puts blocks up.
 
As I mentioned before until you are retired or have enough money or low expenses coming in, there is no way life cannot come first...it has to.
 
I was looking at a TED Talk about finding your purpose, or what you really want to do…well, what happens when you find out what you want to do,however you can;t do it because life has to be lived.
 
It is all fine and dandy, so then what? I am in a better  fortunate I guess, because a few more years and I am retiring. I will find a way on only CPP whether i have to move to another country to be able to survive as a single person however what about young people?
 
Well, I have listened to you tube videos from young people and you know, if you have the ability and the desire, you can make a damn good living since most young people have the natural ability to use a computer. Plus everything you need to learn to be successful is out there for free on line. There is a gamble however if you really love to write, you can find a way!
 
For us older folk, it is harder. We have to work at the technical side.
 
So, in conclusion I have come to the conclusion, that if i want to write, I need to learn how to shift gears and just write!  Like so many other things, I am going to make a plan. Take baby steps and then follow them.
 
For myself, I have learned it has to be manageable and something I can be successful with.
 
Maybe to start, since I am in the middle of preparing to move and find new work,  I need to look at doing three things a week for 1 hour towards the whole self publishing things.
 
If you are like me, and just feel this is the next step in my life no matter what, then good luck!

      What ever you do, do NOT mistakenly put the wrong ISBN number in the space allowed when you are uploading your book to Amazon!
         I uploaded my book, and as soon as I hit the submit for review button, I knew I had an out-dated ISBN from another book. I IMMEDIATELY contacted what was given for this part of the journey and told them THE BARCODE AND BOOK DO NOT MATCH!!!
         I got a lovely email back saying it would be caught during the pre-launch review and not to worry so that is all I felt I could do.
          In hindsight what I should have done was CALLED SOMEONE AND NOT USED EMAIL.
          The book was approved! They missed the mistake completely!
         I sent another email. So sorry, sorry, but nothing they could do. So after doing some research and understanding bar codes are just to track sales, I let it go.
          I got the book in the mail. A sticker with a different bar code (the old bar code mistake was suck over the original new bar code.). I let it go.
         I noticed a few mistakes in the manuscript that I wanted to change so I fix them (not touching the cover) and uploaded again.
          This time the book was not approved. I called, talked to someone and explained that bar code on the book cannot change, it has to be changed on the bookshelf. She said it could not be changed. I said I couldn't do anything either. She said she would reach out to the team and it would go through. This means the sticker will likely remain. At this point I have let it go. There is only so much a person can do before they find they are hitting their heads against a brick wall. I am sure this isn't over yet, however so many of the worth while things in life are not a walk in the park. They take time and energy and are very difficult to do but the success when you finally get through it all, is all the sweeter since you know you have earned it.
          This is the sort of thing you get all the time if you are an Indie publisher. Heaven forbid you miss a box to check or something because it will come back and bite you every time.
           If you are not the sort of person who can persevere through this sort of head ache and hiccup, then I would suggest two options. Both options I have seriously considered when this sort of thing happens.
           One: Find a publisher and agent and have someone else publish your books.
           Two: You can find folks who will just publish and manage the launch from the manuscript up. It costs more money however they take only a small fee. If you have money (which I do not!), then great, otherwise you have to just ride the waves of the Indie Publishing world!
           Whatever you choose, good luck!!!!!
    
       

   I am reading a book by Pema Chodron called "Welcoming the Unwelcome". I am only on the second chapter which is about polarizing situations. 
      It talks about something the Tibetans call "Payu" which means discernment, heedfulness, awareness or attentiveness. 
      I guess in a way, it could be like editing! You are looking over what you have written to make sure there are no issues that need fixing. I won't call them necessarily mistakes, because there is more than one way to write a sentence.
     I am going to simplify and paraphrase what she wrote earlier and put it in this way: If you write in a certain way where you always start with a conjunction (even though you shouldn't) it gets engrained and becomes a habit and then it becomes a rut. Sort of like the cartoon characters who walk back and forth, back and forth until the rut they create is so deep you can't see them anymore! Well, in writing, and the thoughts we think it can be a bit like this!
    As she pointed out, (and many others) we can't change the past, and the future is not yet here. All we can really deal with is the NOW. If I have a habitual way of looking at the world, you can be sure I shall react to situations through that viewer. What may not be a big deal to someone else, will be huge to me. Bullies have that effect. Their victims, who were just people, young or old going about their lives and because of the actions of another or others, those same people began to see themselves as victims. After all that is what a victim is right? A target. If you are young when you are wronged, you grow up with that mind-set engrained. I have found it can even be a crutch where it fuels you because if makes you push down the pain and be angry instead. That anger is powerful and you don't feel powerful so you fuel it thinking about the wrongs done or being done to you. This is where what Pema talks about comes in. 
     It is not an easy thing to step out of that rut especially if it has gone deeper and deeper. I don't think in the beginning you can step out of it. I don't think in the beginning you can stop it. I think when you are wronged, no matter how big or how small it is, you are going to respond as you have so often in the past.
     I do think though, that is where this discernment or being attentive comes in. In the past I have learned to do this. It helps me to step back from my reactions and realize how I am responding. Sometimes I accept it and feel the response. That doesn't mean however I also act out on that feeling. I have learned that usually takes bad to worse, however I do still go through the motions and feel the feelings. I give myself that space to engage in my responses however at some point I stop, sit and really look at who is putting me in the position I am in. Is it really about the other person, or about myself? This is the challenging part.
     I have learned, being honest with myself is not always easy! Oh no, not so easy! It is so much easier to blame someone else, see what they did however not how I fuel and escalated what they did. Oh what they did could have been really shitty, however what I did myself; in how I responded could also have been just as shitty. So then what? I think in the beginning, edit. Notice those thoughts that are making you feel the way you do. Pema Chodron asks, "does it make a difference?" Does how I respond or react make a difference? Well, that is where the rut comes in; the response that has you going over and over things that are in the past and you cannot change. In the beginning, if I can at least hold off the response, even for a moment, that is a difference. That is moving one step in another direction. OH I may forget immediately and rush back into my comfort zone and react the same way again, however for that one moment I started a new path in a more balanced direction. 
     I know I have formed the habits I have formed over a life-time. They are not going to be changed over night however if I take the time to edit, to really think about the sentences, or in this case, thoughts, that I make, I shall be one step closer to turning down the anger volume or turning up my patience button. All of this will build and like editing, it requires vigilance. It requires making the effort, however if I want my writing to improve or my life in general, I think it is worth the effort. I have decided, for the year 2022, no matter what ruts I have created for myself in my writing or my thinking, I am going to see if I can be more mindful and see what happens. If nothing else, it is a grand experiment and I am a curious person!